dreams

Sorry for the radio silence! I have just not been in a writing mood, I guess. But I'm back to talk about video games! A singular video game. I beat Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 a couple days ago.

If you've seen other people's reviews, mine will come as no surprise. This was a great game and I highly recommend it. Clair Obscur is a single-player, story-based RPG with turn-based combat about a city of people living in a fractured world where a mysterious entity called the Paintress counts down a new number each year, and every year anyone of that age is erased, an event called the Gommage. When the game starts, the oldest people in the city of Lumiere are 33. Every year an expedition (mostly of people with one year left to live) goes out to try and stop the Paintress and the Gommage for good. You play as the members of Expedition 33 as they set out on this year's expedition.

This fascinating premise is what prompted me to pick up the game, along with all the positive reviews I'd seen. I was very glad to discover they weren't lying--this game slaps! The combat is fun and engaging, the soundtrack is gorgeous, probably one of my fave video game OSTs, and the story kept me hooked from the very beginning to the very end. It's a story about grief, and about family, and about art. It's also a game where you can beat the shit out of freaky mimes and dress up your characters in outfits with baguettes and berets. I would definitely recommend checking out this game.

For those who have played it, VERY SPOILERY thoughts continue below the cut: ( Read more... )

adore

Moontime began today. I've got tea, pain relief cream, and some cloth pads as extra backup while I use period underwear.

My well-meaning friend, Sre, messaged me saying that she was sorry if this would bring up any negative feelings for me, but she knew mid-20th-century writers are my jam, and would help me shop for them when she was in my city. She attached a picture, and I didn't process it correctly at first, because it was a shelf full of Persephone Books. I assumed it was a picture from Persephone Books themselves, since they have a store full of shelves of just their books. I thought she was offering to buy one for me and bring it with her when she came here. I told her that she was sweet, and right about them being my jam, and also that after years of being unable to pick up a book without pain related to the bookstore that broke my heart, referred to on this journal as Spinebreaker, it was books like these–Virago green books that were out of print, and Persephone Books which are unavailable in my country, that helped me read again, specifically because I knew Spinebreaker would never be able to stock them. The owner had said that she was trying to bring Persephone Books to her store and wasn't able to get distribution here, and that was a few years ago.

Sre said she didn't know getting them here had been a challenge–and that's when I realise that the picture she had sent me was of Persephone Books stocked in Spinebreaker, and that's when I realise that she didn't know that I didn't clock it.

I've posted here before about moments when I was at risk of relapsing and didn't, and how far I've come and all that. Well... this particular moment is a struggle for me. I've been struggling with sorrow, suffocating waves of them, because... this is a bit like that moment when I visited Spinebreaker for the first time, saw Barbara Comyns on the shelves, and thought it must be A Sign because I had never seen her books here before. A whole shelf of just Persephone Books, in MY COUNTRY not to mention my city? It seems like a miracle. It was something I didn't think was realistic. Just like that whole damned bookstore, just like seeing Barbara Comyns stocked there, just like the chance to work there... it was just never realistic.

At the moment, I happen to be reading Amelia's Intrigue by Judith A. Lansdowne. It's sweet, gentle, cosy, funny and endearing. A perfect comfort reading. It's also out of print so Spinebreaker can never stock it, so there. I'm enjoying it.

When I was bringing myself back into reading I picked up books that would never be stocked at Spinebreaker, or so I thought. Books the owner couldn't get, books that were out of print, and books that were independently published or books she doesn't want to put on her shelves. I got to read some amazing indie books by friends on DW. I also bounced off quite a few books that are made for the indie market but not made for me, just not the sorts of books I enjoy.

The thing is, I imprinted so hard on Spinebreaker because of the books in it. I identified with it so hard because of how it's curated. This means that a book that is stocked there is highly likely to be a book I'll enjoy and a book that's not stocked there is not likely to be a book I'll enjoy. That sucks. But it is what it is.

I have to be okay reading books that are also stocked in Spinebreaker. I have to enjoy them without pausing for pain. I have to get to that point, and I guess I'm frustrated that I'm not there, that I've not healed completely so that there's no chance of feeling all that hurt all over again. It's also the kind of thing that very few of my friends IRL understand, because it just seems trivial to them, like they don't understand why it's been affecting me so much. So I'm glad I can journal about it here.

I'm touched that Sre thought of me when she saw the sorts of books I love, so I don't resent her bringing this up. I would have found out eventually. Because most people I know, including my closest friends, go there regularly and they have talked about the books they've gotten there without me feeling like this because those were books that were accessible otherwise as well, and available elsewhere. But I bet I would have heard about these at some point.

Sre said she could take me to Spinebreaker when she's in my city, if it would help me if she's there. I thanked her and told her I'd rather not go as I don't feel welcome there. I mean, the owner blocked me, lol. She said that instead she could go buy me a Persephone Book from there, but I really don't want to give Spinebreaker any money. Since all of the authors of Persephone Books are dead, I'll pirate them if I can't access them any other way. I love the publisher though and will buy their ebooks when possible; they don't publish most of their books as ebooks, which I think is a pity, but they do have a few in ebook format. I bought Diana Tutton's Guard Your Daughters that way, and of course they've made Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day by Winifred Watson available as an ebook, since it's their star title.

Current Mood: sad

lily

Sorry for being so dead here. I've been super busy, as usual, although lately my free time has admittedly been taken up by my new Steam Deck and Fantasy Life i. I adored the original game, and I'm pleased to say that I'm having an even better time with the sequel's gameplay (although I prefer the original's story and characters).

I finished my Intro to Creative Writing class last week. I thought I would share my final short story here. I don't have my grade back for it yet, but my peers reviewed it well, and my prof seemed to like the scene I read aloud in class. Please keep in mind that this is only the second piece of fiction that I've ever written in my life; even our in-class free-write exercises were simply me journalling. Mind you, the events in this story actually did all happen in my working life, but the main character is not a direct reflection of me. Both her history and her goals differ from mine. I also changed the timeline of these events (in reality, they were much more spread out) and changed the descriptions of other characters. Making this public in case people on Blue Sky want to read it.

( Connecting the Dots )

Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: My fan

adore

I'm participating in The Wheel of Chaos in which we collectively pounce on our keyboards and become chaos gremlins for an unforeseen amount of time. Signups are here: link!

Current Mood: happy

friends

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Connecting the dots

//cracks knuckles